I got some bad feedback from a client this week ….
So, this week I got some bad feedback from a coaching client, hard to admit and yet ….
Asking for feedback is a good leadership practice that I encourage leaders to do. We all have blind spots and can go through a whole career having a negative impact and never knowing it. Often, these leaders get sent to a coach late in their career to get given the feedback that no-one has dared to give them before, and that they certainly haven’t previously asked for.
Whether I’m coaching one person, working with a group, or co-facilitating, I ask for feedback after every client interaction. It’s part of my practice.
Sometimes a coaching relationship just doesn't work and in this instance it hadn’t, but I didn't really know why until I asked for feedback. What the client has told me has given me an insight into how I can do a better job for others and helped me grow and develop my service. I’ve been coaching for 15 years. I have a supervisor and am part of a peer supervision group and yet the most valuable insights come from clients.
Negative or developmental feedback is difficult to hear and hard to move on from. When I’m coaching leaders I often, at the outset, ask their team, peers and managers to give them feedback via a 360. One negative comment amongst a sea of glowing ones will become the focus of a debrief conversation. It’s the negative feedback that we take to heart.
We have to rationalise negative feedback. Yes, learn from it and remember it’s only one opinion. We also need to focus and integrate the positive feedback. This is how we build confidence and self-esteem. Many forget to give others feedback, moving on to the next job in hand rather than pausing and ensuring that strengths and contributions are recognised.
Once I got over myself, I can be grateful for the developmental feedback. I’ve made the necessary adjustment and my clients will benefit.
So have you had any bad feedback recently? If not, perhaps you are not asking for it? We all have bad habits and we all have room to grow. Get out there and ask for feedback and give it to others - they might just thank you (through gritted teeth).
And Remember the 6 Golden Rules for Giving Feedback:
1. Be clear about what you want to say before you say it
You might have already sensed what feedback you want to convey. However, you should be clear to yourself about what you want to convey and how you want to convey it.
2. Share your feedback in a concise and specific manner, then you can embellish
People often lose specificity when they speak because they say far too much, rather than not enough. Or they speak about general themes and patterns. When giving feedback, first share what you saw or heard, what you want instead, and how the person can achieve it. Then you can add more descriptive information if necessary.
3. Avoid generalisations
Avoid use of the words “all,” “never” and “always.” Those words can seem extreme, lack credibility and place arbitrary limits on behaviour.
4. Be descriptive rather than evaluative
Report what you are seeing, hearing or feeling. Attempt to avoid evaluative words, such as “good” or “bad.” It may be helpful to quickly share your particular feeling, if appropriate, but do not dwell on it or become emotional.
5. Own the feedback
The information should be about your own perception of information, not about the other’s perceptions, assumptions and motives. Use ‘I’ statements as much as possible to indicate that your impressions are your own.
6. Be careful about giving advice
When giving feedback, it is often best to do one thing at a time - share your feedback, get the person’s response to your feedback, and then, when he/she is more ready to consider additional information, share your advice with him/her.
Although these tips are useful when you are planning on giving feedback, you should also remember your feedback techniques should be specific for each individual.