Why Visibility Feels Uncomfortable (And Why Leaders Need It Anyway)

A leadership coach's take on self-promotion, the authenticity paradox and why staying visible matters more than staying comfortable. From Mojo Coaching.

Being visible. As I write this on an August morning, on what's probably the hottest day of the year so far, I'm struck by the irony of it, and by the parallel running through my work and my own life. A few miles away, my sister is doing the same thing, writing a piece to make herself more visible to the world. We've both committed some of our holiday time to writing, so that come September we can be more visible with the work we do. We've put aside an hour, and at the end of it we have to send each other whatever we've written. I'm halfway through that hour now, having abandoned the first piece I wrote and started again.

The discomfort of the protected hour

There are two themes that run through almost all of my coaching work. One is about taking proper breaks from work, to rest and recuperate. The other is about putting structure around strategic work, stepping out of the day to day, off the to-do list, to spend time on the important but not urgent stuff, like raising your visibility and telling people about the work you do. So here I am, honouring the structure and the protected hour, and dishonouring the break, the total mental break from work that's actually necessary. But it's only an hour, and it matters.

The cost of staying invisible

I have conversations daily with people who are frustrated about not being seen for what they contribute to the world. One of my oldest friends, Suzie Maddison, is an acupuncturist who gets amazing results, especially with women's fertility, and yet she struggles to build her practice. She finds it hard to tell the world, to promote what she does. That was the conversation over lunch yesterday.

When I'm talking to clients about not sharing their contributions, I try to reframe marketing yourself as offering your gift to the world. If I need a brilliant acupuncturist and can't find one in my area, I'm the one who's disserviced. If you're looking for one who gets real results with fertility, Suzie's practice is here.

What's really behind the discomfort

What a lot of people are worried about when promoting themselves is being seen as a show-off, or that somehow it's embarrassing. I see this on LinkedIn all the time, people promoting themselves in a way I find distasteful, and I think there's something underneath that worth naming: if you can't promote your own work, and you feel triggered watching someone else do it well, you're not just reacting to them. You're reacting to your own buried desire for visibility, tangled up with a fear of judgement, failure, or the belief that wanting attention is somehow bad or arrogant. The drive to be seen lives in all of us, and that's why we're triggered by people who do it well.

I think it's just about reminding people you exist. We get so caught up wanting to promote the right thing, or say something clever, that we end up saying nothing at all, and that's what stops us. It's really useful to put an hour in your diary, sit down, and write, and whatever you produce, you post it. Let it go. Let it be good enough.

Why an accountability partner helps

And find yourself an accountability partner. The only reason I'm finishing this piece, rather than still polishing my first, cleverer attempt, is that my sister is waiting for hers at the end of the same hour. Knowing someone else expects something from you by a deadline is a really underrated way of getting the important but not urgent work done, the kind of work that's easy to keep pushing back indefinitely when no one's holding you to it.

The authenticity paradox

I'm currently coaching leaders at a large bank, mainly Gen Z, who work long hours, where being visible, pushing yourself forward, taking charge and being strong are all traits that get rewarded and recognised. But it's genuinely hard to bend yourself into a shape that doesn't fit. We have to be authentic and do things our own way, but we also have to be visible.

Herminia Ibarra's work talks about the authenticity paradox: staying true to yourself, not promoting yourself, staying small, feels authentic, but it actually limits us. We can step outside our comfort zone and be visible while staying authentic at the same time. It's just uncomfortable. So, truthfully, I'm not that keen on promoting myself on LinkedIn either, but I know I have to stay visible and remind people about the work I do, so that I attract more of it.

It's hard for all of us to be visible, it seems to me.

A shout-out worth making

One other thing I think is really useful: recommend others you admire and rate. So I want to give a shout-out to my sister, Caitlyn McCarthy, down in Brighton, writing for an hour at the same time as me. She's a practising psychotherapist who supports women in psychotherapeutic circles who've experienced domestic violence, through her practice, Women Rise Rooted. Take a look at her profile here.

Working on visibility with your leadership team

Visibility, self-promotion and the authenticity paradox come up constantly in the leadership development and executive coaching work I do at Mojo Coaching, particularly with women in leadership and with younger leaders navigating cultures where being seen is part of getting ahead. If this is something you or your leaders are wrestling with, I'd be glad to talk it through.

Get in touch at jo@mojocoaching.co.uk, or find out more about executive coaching, leadership coaching for women and leadership development with Mojo Coaching.

Jo McCarthy is a leadership and executive coach at Mojo Coaching, working with leaders and senior teams to build clarity, confidence and impact.